like a dream>>like a dream
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M A S H Y :: ماشى ادب :: مدينة الشعر
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like a dream>>like a dream
من طرف beyond stars الجمعة 31 أكتوبر - 14:48
It still feels weird…
After all this time I thought I’d get used to it, but it still feels weird…
I have my laptop on me, I want it higher and I try to reach with my feet to get the little pillow I can spot by the foot of the bed…
How is it possible that I can actually forget?
I woke up today after a good night sleep. I yawned lazily in bed and decided to get up and wash my face. I started to “get up” only to realize… rather remember…
How can my mind skip details like that?
I laid back in bed, stared at the ceiling, wondered about things for a while, then decided to sleep some more!
I’ve always been independent one way or another. I’m not so used to being served in bed or to depend on anyone on every single move I make.
It feels funny, rather humiliating! But hey… no drama involved. It just feels weird.
It’s like I’m growing up all over again. I’m learning from scratch how to take care of myself and how to only need minimum help.
By time it gets easier.
My friend came to visit that other day.
We were talking and laughing. She got a call from a common friend. She started joking around saying things she knew would tease me.
I was on bed and she was standing right next to me, just by the foot of the bed, her back to me, laughing as she rambled on about stuff she thought would tick me off.
Normally I’d use the chance and literally kick her butt…
Ants freak me out! They just do!
Last night I was sitting up in bed, typing nonsense and chatting with an old friend. I saw a medium-sized ant making its way toward my right foot; have no idea where it came from.
What I would typically do is jump out of bed…
Things haven’t changed much since last month. One might think they did, maybe they did, but I can’t feel the change, or maybe I refuse to feel it.
One of my friends thinks that I’m dealing quite well, another thinks that I’m still in shock and I live in utter denial. I think I’m a little bit of both, in the good sense… if there is such a thing.
When I was young, I was all about acrobats! I wanted to be a gymnastics athlete, I even dreamed at some point of joining the Olympic Games! Well, I never did. But I used to do my own acrobatic moves all the time, I used to be pretty flexible and I was proud of it. I used to show off to my cousins how I could make my toes so easily touch my forehead when laying on my stomach. I was all about quirky moves. Growing up, I lost some of this flexibility for I stopped working out, but I was still flexible enough to do certain moves that an average person would find somewhat difficult. They all involved my legs and my back. It was sort of a part of who I was.
When trapped somewhere with a friend in a crowded place, I close my eyes and picture myself squeezing and bending and jumping my way through the crowd to get to wherever I’m headed. I open my eyes to reality and the crowd.
One of my favorite things to do is to drive around. I would turn on my favorite music, and cruise in the neighborhood. If I’m down or upset or if I need to think and clear my head, I’d drive farther away to distant places and back! I simply enjoy it! The freedom, the sense of control; I always find it refreshing and relaxing!
I like walking too, but only in winter; I don’t like sweat.
I miss driving.
I miss walking in winter, breathing fresh cold air while listening to music even if only inside my head.
I miss running errands and being the one to count on when my friends needed actual help with things.
In a way, I feel lucky and blessed.
My hands are all mine!
I never thought of what happened in tragic terms, or at least not explicitly, maybe cause I never really fully grasped it!
I think and talk of ways to deal, I think and write about things I miss or things I no longer do…
My takes on the whole matter are all related to mere logical calculations, consequences, and what-to-do’s.
Purely practical, like none of it has to do with me, like it doesn’t hurt or emotionally cripple me…
Maybe cause it doesn’t!
I have a recurrent dream. I’ve had it for a little over three weeks now.
I dream that I was driving on the highway when I saw a terrible accident; a small car got smashed between two trucks. The ambulance was late as expected and the driver in the small car did not look good. There was crowd, I was in the crowd, but I decided to drive past the scene and go on my way.
I wake up every time after this dream and I look around. It baffles me every time that I do not notice while dreaming that the driver of the small car holds close resemblance to me.
It only hits me later that it was me!
Last night that ant was already on my foot. I did not freak, I just sat there staring…
I don’t know if it bit me… I can’t feel anything…[size=16][/size]
After all this time I thought I’d get used to it, but it still feels weird…
I have my laptop on me, I want it higher and I try to reach with my feet to get the little pillow I can spot by the foot of the bed…
How is it possible that I can actually forget?
I woke up today after a good night sleep. I yawned lazily in bed and decided to get up and wash my face. I started to “get up” only to realize… rather remember…
How can my mind skip details like that?
I laid back in bed, stared at the ceiling, wondered about things for a while, then decided to sleep some more!
I’ve always been independent one way or another. I’m not so used to being served in bed or to depend on anyone on every single move I make.
It feels funny, rather humiliating! But hey… no drama involved. It just feels weird.
It’s like I’m growing up all over again. I’m learning from scratch how to take care of myself and how to only need minimum help.
By time it gets easier.
My friend came to visit that other day.
We were talking and laughing. She got a call from a common friend. She started joking around saying things she knew would tease me.
I was on bed and she was standing right next to me, just by the foot of the bed, her back to me, laughing as she rambled on about stuff she thought would tick me off.
Normally I’d use the chance and literally kick her butt…
Ants freak me out! They just do!
Last night I was sitting up in bed, typing nonsense and chatting with an old friend. I saw a medium-sized ant making its way toward my right foot; have no idea where it came from.
What I would typically do is jump out of bed…
Things haven’t changed much since last month. One might think they did, maybe they did, but I can’t feel the change, or maybe I refuse to feel it.
One of my friends thinks that I’m dealing quite well, another thinks that I’m still in shock and I live in utter denial. I think I’m a little bit of both, in the good sense… if there is such a thing.
When I was young, I was all about acrobats! I wanted to be a gymnastics athlete, I even dreamed at some point of joining the Olympic Games! Well, I never did. But I used to do my own acrobatic moves all the time, I used to be pretty flexible and I was proud of it. I used to show off to my cousins how I could make my toes so easily touch my forehead when laying on my stomach. I was all about quirky moves. Growing up, I lost some of this flexibility for I stopped working out, but I was still flexible enough to do certain moves that an average person would find somewhat difficult. They all involved my legs and my back. It was sort of a part of who I was.
When trapped somewhere with a friend in a crowded place, I close my eyes and picture myself squeezing and bending and jumping my way through the crowd to get to wherever I’m headed. I open my eyes to reality and the crowd.
One of my favorite things to do is to drive around. I would turn on my favorite music, and cruise in the neighborhood. If I’m down or upset or if I need to think and clear my head, I’d drive farther away to distant places and back! I simply enjoy it! The freedom, the sense of control; I always find it refreshing and relaxing!
I like walking too, but only in winter; I don’t like sweat.
I miss driving.
I miss walking in winter, breathing fresh cold air while listening to music even if only inside my head.
I miss running errands and being the one to count on when my friends needed actual help with things.
In a way, I feel lucky and blessed.
My hands are all mine!
I never thought of what happened in tragic terms, or at least not explicitly, maybe cause I never really fully grasped it!
I think and talk of ways to deal, I think and write about things I miss or things I no longer do…
My takes on the whole matter are all related to mere logical calculations, consequences, and what-to-do’s.
Purely practical, like none of it has to do with me, like it doesn’t hurt or emotionally cripple me…
Maybe cause it doesn’t!
I have a recurrent dream. I’ve had it for a little over three weeks now.
I dream that I was driving on the highway when I saw a terrible accident; a small car got smashed between two trucks. The ambulance was late as expected and the driver in the small car did not look good. There was crowd, I was in the crowd, but I decided to drive past the scene and go on my way.
I wake up every time after this dream and I look around. It baffles me every time that I do not notice while dreaming that the driver of the small car holds close resemblance to me.
It only hits me later that it was me!
Last night that ant was already on my foot. I did not freak, I just sat there staring…
I don’t know if it bit me… I can’t feel anything…[size=16][/size]
beyond stars- نجمة المنتدى
-
عدد الرسائل : 208
العمر : 34
المزاج :
الوظائف :
تاريخ التسجيل : 14/06/2008
رد: like a dream>>like a dream
من طرف محمد عبدالرحمن شحاتة السبت 1 نوفمبر - 19:28
very fantastic poet
can fiend alot of puteful means
thank you
can fiend alot of puteful means
thank you
محمد عبدالرحمن شحاتة- الإداره الداخليه
-
عدد الرسائل : 2818
العمر : 34
المزاج :
الاوسمة :
احترام القوانين :
الوظائف :
تاريخ التسجيل : 08/04/2008 -
M A S H Y :: ماشى ادب :: مدينة الشعر
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